dear lou,

my life is a mess. damn it. what to do now? maybe i'll just go to bed.

much love,

lucky

dear lou,

how have you been? It seems ages since we last wrote; perhaps it has been. much has happened. we had a lovely christmas, our darling bea turned 2 and is chatting up a storm! she reminds me a bit of you, happy and cheerful most all of the time, but very serious about icecream and necessary things of life. doesn't having a child around change us so?

i really must be frank with you- in spite of my cheerful opening i admit that things are not going well for me. i feel betrayed. let down. abandoned. not to worry, max is treating me like a queen, though he's been going through a rough patch (who isn't with the economy taking a dive, moral is low and creeping lower).he's reacting as well to most of our "recent events" only as well as any man could. and this, dearest lou, is why it's god i'm more out of sorts with. quite miffed actually. he's been a bit distant lately. doesn't seem to want to give me the time of day. i just don't know what to do. you've always had such good advice. i'm must write you in lieu of the people I should have around to turn to, but don't. please write back soon. i don't have anyone else to turn to.

much love,

lucky

dear lou,

i've made a terrible mistake. i wish i could say it was her at complete fault-leaving letters about for anyone to see-but i'm afraid that would never do, as it was very much my own doing that got me into this mess in the first place.

her letters were just sitting there on the end table but i, in my damned curiosity, went so far as to open one of the newer and re-seal it so as to make it look as though it had been unopened! what kind of woman am i!? though what troubles me more is the letters themselves. you see, they were about me. i should never have kept reading. i should keep my nose out of things and just go about my own business like so many are capable of doing.

lou i'm so ashamed, you would never do such a thing, i know it. you are a lady. i am a prat.

the hard part now is that i'm unsure what is to be done about it. i could confront her. but then she would know, or at least suspect where I got the information from which leaves me as the fool i am. i could ignore her and continue to be furious with her, though that is difficult as she is my sister after all. or i could pretend it didn't happen -but i am so hurt by those words. i really suppose that i deserve every bit of it. i've been taking advantage of my dear sister's kindness for much to long, and all she did was acknowledge that -i am in her debt forever and can't repay it and it weighs heavily on my mind. i musn't be so arrogant. why must i be so conceited!?

oh lou, i do wish you were here to offer me some comfort. jr is causing me enough discomfort with all his little kicks, keeping me awake at night, and the heat. i do hope to introduce him to you some time before his first birthday- do you think it could be arranged? i know you can never say for certain, but it would mean so very much to me, and to max.

much love,

lucky